


King of My Heart

by myswordhandissinging



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: 1st Year Isak, Bipolar Even Bech Næsheim, Break Up, Coming of Age, Evak AU, Grumpy Isak, Hurt Isak Valtersen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Isak's parents - Freeform, Jonas Noah Vasquez is a Good Friend, M/M, Mental Breakdown, evak will eventually get back together, isak will eventually realize he suffers from depression, jonas/isak relationship, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-05-16 23:09:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14820695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myswordhandissinging/pseuds/myswordhandissinging
Summary: “you met me at a very strange time in my life” – the narrator, fight clubIsak just needed luck. He needed an escape plan and that was Even. They’re in love and everything is moving too fast. And just like that, Even leaves and Isak is left in the dark. Secrets are revealed, and friendships are tested. A story of mental illness and mental health, also too much drinking and drug experimenting--summary was previously different but now has been fixed (probably fixed again)





	1. Before

****

 

 

 

**PART I: Delicate Hearts**

_**Before** _

The first time he met Even was on a bus.

Isak, a tiny gangly sixteen-year-old stood in the crisp cold Thursday morning, unsure of the time when the bus would come. His parents decided they didn't have time to drive him to school anymore. They simply told him he was old enough to ride the public transport which Isak found annoying. It meant he had to wake up at least two hours and a half and ride an hour to school. He thought maybe it wasn't so bad, at least he wouldn't have to listen to either of his parents complain about the other of whatever annoyed them that morning or the night before, or even what happened a week ago.

He let out a long exhale, annoyed at the bus for taking its sweet time. He stuffed his hands in his pocket and thought about his gloves that were sitting left behind in his room. His mom had yelled from downstairs that he was going to be late. He ran downstairs and nearly asked for a ride from her but she was on the phone, trying to keep herself from yelling at the person on the other line. Instead, he left quietly and unnoticed.

It was getting worse as the months went on, what Isak feared in the back of his mind. The impending doom of his parent's divorce which Isak refused to let his mind fully understand. It wasn't just bickering anymore and the shouting matches outside his bedroom door were hard to ignore.

Isak had his earphones on, listening to a band that Jonas had recommended. It played a third time before he decided that he liked it. Jonas had good taste in music when he wasn't listening to Top 40's, but Isak wouldn't say that out loud to him. He grew even more impatient as another minute passed with no sight of the bus. He looked up and saw a girl. She stood out in the crowd, she was walking in his direction and he watched her. He figured she was pretty and he guessed that she was probably a year or two older than him. She was beautiful. She had short and brown wavy hair, wide blue eyes that looked up to see where she was going. She was busy looking down at her phone, a tiny smirk forming on the corners of her red-tinted mouth. Her nose and cheeks had a slight pinkish tint to them from the cold morning. She looked up and caught his eyes but she looked away without noticing him. She didn't notice at all that Isak was staring and she continued to walk past him – someone else squeezed between them and brushed up against Isak's shoulder.

And she was completely forgotten.

He was wearing a beanie and his bangs curled in front of his eyes. He wore a brown coat over a black crewneck sweater, a pair of blue distressed jeans and black high-top converse with a grey school bag slung over his right shoulder. He made his way to the empty bus bench, his eyes preoccupied with his phone. Isak felt the urge to walk up to him to push those curly bangs back but he thought otherwise. It wasn't socially acceptable to do such thing to a stranger. Although, he wasn't exactly a stranger. He heard of him before, the new kid at his school. He thought of sitting next to him, but the bus decided to finally show up. The new kid was the first to enter and Isak followed. The bus was nearly full, a couple seats to spare. Isak wondered if it would be weird to sit next to him and maybe he would have a chance to introduce himself.

Isak panicked, wondering where his sudden bravery came from. He sat down the first seat he came across and settled his bag on his lap. He huffed, slightly disappointed in himself for chickening out. He pulled out his phone and found another song to play. This time, his current favorite. The Smiths' Asleep. The song began to play when he felt someone brush against his arm. He looked up to see him.

Time froze, or maybe Isak just stopped breathing. The new kid looked back at him and smiled. He only glanced down to push his bag between his legs under his seat and his smile grew bigger. Isak saw that his mouth was moving and just about yanked his earphones off to hear what he was saying. "What is it?" The boy asked.

Isak stuttered and wondered what were words and how could he be able to form a sentence. Anything. The boy laughed. "Have I got something on my face?" He touched his cheek. Isak shook his head, mind-numbingly dumb in his current state. "I'm Even." He said, holding out his hand.

Isak stared at it, unsure of what he should do. Those three seconds felt like an eternity as Isak continued to stare at his hand. Even then reached for his hand and grasped it, shaking it up and down. He did it in a way that someone would do if they were teaching a three-year-old something. Isak felt his face burn red. "And yours?"

"I-I-Isak."

"Isak," Even repeated, as if familiarizing with the word. Isak felt his cheeks burn even more and a large smile formed on Even's smile. Without missing a beat, Isak grabbed the right earphone and raised it toward Even.

"Would you like to listen?" Isak somehow managed to say coolly. Even nodded and stuck the earpiece in his ear. Isak restarted the song and he hadn't realized how depressing the song choice was until it played halfway. Even not once complained or suggested to change Isak's choice in songs, although Isak secretly prayed that Even was enjoying them.

As they reached the familiar road to the school, Isak wished they didn't have to get off. Even passed the earpiece to Isak and thanked him. They followed each other to the courtyard and Isak spotted Jonas waiting for him by a bench. He waved and tapped his wristwatch. Isak quickly checked the time on his phone and realized how late the bus arrived. Even didn't seem to notice the time as he asked, "Have you heard of the artist Nas?" Isak shook his head. "You should look him up, he's awesome."

"Yeah?" Isak glanced over to Jonas who was beckoning him on, impatiently. It was then Even had followed his gaze and realized how late they were. It was only ten minutes and most professors understood this early in the morning, especially with the unpredictable bus schedule. However, most professors, especially Isak's English professor liked to hand out detention slips, always reminding their students of being prepared to prevent those situations.

Isak looked up at him, unsure of what to do. He raised his hand and waved, and practically ran away from Even. He refused to look back, afraid that Even looked weirded out and probably would never talk to him again.

-

Mr. Larsen glared at them as they quickly moved across the room to sit in their seats. To Isak's luck, as Mr. Larsen resumed his teaching, Isak dropped his books causing his pencil case to spill onto the ground. His face burned red and Eva, who sat beside him, reached down to help. Isak could hear a loud sigh from the front of the classroom and giggles from his classmates.

"Clumsy." Eva shook her head but smiled at him. Isak thanked her and apologized to Mr. Larsen who looked like he was ready to quit the rest of the day.

"Are you just about done, Mr. Valtersen?" Mr. Larsen said, obviously irritated by the interruption. Isak gulped and nodded. "And would you and Mr. Vasquez come see me after class?" Jonas and Isak nodded. Eva giggled quietly next to him and Isak stuck out his tongue, she returned the gesture by giving him the finger. Mr. Larsen cleared his throat loudly. "Eva, you too, after class."

Jonas, from across the room, had to cover his mouth to stop himself from laughing.

-

Isak glared at the detention slip, Eva and Jonas stood beside him with their arms wrapped around each other's waists and talking about something that Isak did not bother listening to. They stood by the main office, waiting to be called in to hand in their afterschool detention slips. He glared bitterly at the paper but then started to think otherwise. Maybe it wasn't a big deal, he wouldn't have to go home right away.

"Isak, Eva and I want to check out the skate park tonight. Want to come along?" Jonas asked, still holding Eva. Isak let out a long exhale, bitter at the thought that he had no choice in the matter.

"I can't. Parents want me straight home." Jonas had let go of Eva and leaned against the wall beside Isak, holding onto Eva's hand as if the mere idea of having no contact with her was difficult. Isak then added with bitter sarcasm, "I'm thinking since they can't control everything about each other's lives, they are resorting to controlling everything in mine."

"They care, Isak," Eva added, wagging her head side to side.

"They are trying to ruin my life," Isak said, rolling his eyes at her. Isak then smirked at Jonas. "Besides, it's out today you know?"

"What's out?" Eva asked. Jonas's eyes went wide and he smiled excitedly.

"Nooo, really?" They clasped hands and did their handshake that they came up with in the sixth grade. Jonas' smile dropped as he remembered the plans he made with Eva, he smiled sheepishly at her letting go of Isak's hand and reaching out to wrap his arms around his girlfriend. Eva tried to pull out of his hold, Isak had to turn his head to roll his eyes in annoyance. He would never admit it out loud to her, but he found her irritating ever since they started dating.

The lady at the front desk came to his rescue and took the detention slip from him. Instead of telling them that his detention was scheduled during the weekend, he waved them goodbye and headed to his next class. He decided to choose the lesser evil today and spending time with his mom doesn't really compare to watching Eva and Jonas eat each other's faces.

\--

It was at the end of the day and Isak, Jonas and Eva stood in the courtyard with a group of their friends. Isak searched for Even in the crowd, watching the main doors intently. Jonas nudged his arm, asking him his question again which Isak did not hear. He continued to ignore Jonas and the others who were talking about something. They bantered playfully at each other but Isak continued to watch the doors opening and shutting with no Even in sight. He bit his lip and chewed nervously.

"Isak, what's on your mind?" Eva jumped up from behind him which made Isak jump.

"Uh," Isak uttered. "just waiting for someone."

"Apparently a new friend he has yet to tell us about." Jonas chimed in, looking slightly annoyed at being ignored earlier.

"A new friend?" Eva feigned surprise which earned two eye rolls from Isak and Jonas. Eva hooked her arm around Isak's and began looking around. "Now, who is this new friend we're waiting for?"

As if on cue, Even walked out the building. Isak straightened up, his heart beating so fast that it almost hurt. He felt his stomach fill up with butterflies and his hands beginning to sweat. Eva noticed his heightened behavior and found who he was looking at. Her mouth gaped open. "Oh my god." She emphasized every word, Jonas muttered something under his breath, admittedly jealous that both his girlfriend and his best friend found interest in some other guy.

Even found them and he waved. At that moment, Isak never would have thought how much he would fall in love with Even. As Even joined them and started up a conversation, with Jonas's annoyance slipping away as they found something interesting to talk about, Isak would never have come out to them to his two best friends not even a month after and realized that he was gay. Right now, he had some inkling of his crush on Even but he would never admit it to himself.

Right now, Isak would enjoy his spare time with his friends and talk about whatever. They would invite Even to their usual hang out place and he would gladly accept. However, Isak's time was short and Isak had agreed that he'd go home and so was forced to go home early, not before exchanging numbers with Even.

Once he was at home, he found something to eat. The house was quiet, as usual. If there wasn't arguing, there was silence. He sat at the dining table and the sound of his spoon clinking against the bowl was the only sound to be heard. He grabbed his earphones from his school bag and searched for Nas. He played the top searched song and listened to it before his phone buzzed and the song lowered for a moment in his sweater pocket. He nearly dropped his spoon from how fast he reached for his phone.

"Hey.. :)" popped up and then a "...ft?"

At first, Isak was confused at what "ft" meant before it clicked. He quickly replied a yes and a minute later his video chat popped up. He smiled and answered the call.


	2. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story has also been posted in wattpad under the name myswordhandissinging

**. Chapter 1**

**Today**

The strangest part was the overwhelming numbness in his legs and arms. Isak felt unable to move or had the energy to do so. The pain came later, the heavy chest and heavy heart. The phone had blacked out long ago, but he still stared at it as if the message was imprinted on the screen. He wanted to be angry, scream at the wall – do something, throw something.

The knocking on his door had started out as slow tentative knocks. As time went on and his cheeks stained, and his eyes felt swollen, the knocking got louder.

He wasn't sure how much time passed or what time of the day it was. He knew, however, that it was a day later.

It got darker in his room eventually. He stopped staring at his phone a while back ago, and instead watched the yellow curtains blow gently. The evening created shadows in his room and the light cold air filled his room. It smelled like it was going to rain.

The knocking started up again.

Annoying, Isak thought.

Not before long, his room was completely dark. The only light showed through under the door from the hallway. He was facing away from the door but from the way the light flickered, he could tell they were standing outside of his door. He didn't know exactly how long but they tried all morning and all afternoon to get him to come out of his room. This time they called out.

"Isak?" Jonas's voice. "You should have something to eat or drink."

Isak ignored him. He didn't want to move, he just wanted to be alone.

An hour or so passed when he finally moved. He sat up, looking around the room, his eyes slightly adjusted to the dark. He still grabbed his phone and used it as a light. He found a chocolate bar he bought for Even last week. A long moment passed, and he realized that he was just staring at it.

As quietly as he could, he unwrapped it and took a small bite. A shadow walked by his room, but they didn't knock. Two others lived with him (he actually lived with them), and their friends practically lived there. It was there home away from home. Jonas came over and spent the night almost every day. So did Even.

More hours passed.

The knocking was louder and frantic.

He wanted to yell and shout at them to leave him alone.

More voices yelled through the door. Jonas again, next Eva asked for him to come out. And then it was Eskild, even Noora after the first three tried. The one who surprised him was Sana telling him she'll knock the door down if he didn't open the door in three seconds.

He checked his phone, scrolling through his notifications, ignoring all of their messages. Linn who had left for the month to visit home had even messaged him. He noted that he had locked himself in his room for almost twenty-four hours.

"Isak open the damn door!" Jonas yelled.

He curled back into a ball, playing with a loose thread on the pillow. Even's pillow.

He heard a key and the door creaked open (Isak didn't know they had keys for the rooms). "Stay outside," He heard Jonas whisper to the others, and then louder to Isak, "Isak?"

He said nothing, covering his face with the blanket.

"Hey, stop it." He felt Jonas's weight beside him. "You can't do that."

Why not?

"What happened with Even wasn't your fault." Isak felt like it was. "He didn't tell anyone that he was depressed, Isak. Only Sonja knew and that's because her parents are friends with his parents."

"I just want to be left alone," Isak mumbled.

Jonas sighed. It was quiet. "Close the door," Jonas said, and someone closed it.

"Go away, Jonas."

"No way." Jonas laid down beside him, wrapping his arm around Isak. Isak couldn't hold back anymore, and Jonas pulled him closer as he tried to comfort the crying boy.


	3. 1.5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I feel like I need to include a trigger warning: implied/referenced suicide attempt

 

 

 

 

**. Chapter 1.5**

**Yesterday**

 

 

Even was unpredictable, always has and I could never figure him out. At fifteen, I was too young and too naïve to understand what it meant. What he had. Has. I received a call twenty minutes ago, hesitated when I saw that it was Sonja, and I was told to come to the school as fast as I could. From her voice I knew something was wrong, something was wrong with Even.

And I ran.

When I reached the school, I saw the lights and the vehicles. The principal's car parked carelessly on the road and a mob of people and some of the school faculty crowded the courtyard. Police tried to keep the crowd at bay, shouting orders and I immediately spotted Even's parents. For some reason, I stayed with the crowd, instead of going over there. I wouldn't know what to say. I dialed Sonja's phone but no answer. I tried to look for her and for Even. I didn't know what else to do so I called Jonas and he answered after a couple of rings. "'Ello?"

"I don't know what to do" I cried into the phone, clutching at my chest. It felt like something was crushing me. "Sonja called, and I don't know where Even is – we had a fight yesterday and I don't know where he is Jonas – I – "

"Isak," Jonas shouted in the other line. I hadn't realized I probably sounded crazy. "Ok... calm down, alright? Where are you?"

"I'm at the school," I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. "And there's police and an ambulance."

"I'm on my way, alright?" I nodded, dumbly in my situation. "Isak I'm coming."

I ended the call and tried Sonja again. It didn't go through and I resisted in throwing it. I tried to push through the crowd, but a police officer blocked my way. I tried telling him that I needed to get in there and my friend had called me, but he refused to let me through. I still didn't know why but I stayed hidden so that Even's parents couldn't see me.

"They're trying to get him down." I heard a man in the crowd say to another a few feet beside me. I felt my chest seize.

Who?

"I overheard an officer saying the girl who ran after him is trying to talk him down, she's been going at it for almost an hour."

"Poor guy." I felt dizzy and lightheaded. I grabbed the wall for support and my chest felt like it was getting crushed.

I heard my name from the back of the crowd and I rushed to Jonas. He had to catch himself from falling back as he hugged me. I tried to keep quiet and I could feel everyone staring at me. Jonas held the back of my neck and pulled me into his chest. "I don't know where he is." I could feel him tightening his arms around me. "I messed up, I didn't help him."

"Shhh, don't do that." I could hear his voice break. "It's not your fault."

The crowd got excited and Jonas shook me to turn around. I couldn't see anything past the crowd. I tried to push through, almost shoving people to the side and I only caught a glimpse of Even. His head down and hair covering his face. I called out, but he didn't look up as his parents rushed to him. The police officer guided them toward the back of the ambulance and a paramedic wrapped a blanket around Even's shoulders. Sonja followed behind with a few officers. I called out her name and she looked up.

She seemed to hesitate and looked back and forth at Even and me. She walked over and pulled me away from the crowd. Her eyes were bloodshot, and her cheeks stained with tears. "Isak." She choked. "Even tried to –"

"No stop." I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to hear what she was about to say.

"They're taking him to the hospital and he's going to be kept under supervision." The doors of the ambulance closed, and the siren made me jump out of my skin. I saw Even's father run to his car, Even and his mother in the back of the ambulance. "I need to go, come with me."

I don't know why I didn't go with her. Even needed me. "I can't."

"What?" Sonja and I had a mutual respect for each other for Even. We never quite spoke about it but if we wanted to be part of Even's life, we needed to get along. We did. But when I told her I couldn't go, she looked almost disgusted. "Are you serious?"

I said nothing. She pushed past me, and she got in her car, following the ambulance that had already left. Why didn't I go?

The crowd was gone, and it was just me and Jonas. He grabbed my arm and pulled me to leave but I stared after Sonja. "Isak, let's go."


	4. Living My Best Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, sorry it took me to update. And sorry about the messy chapters.

**Chapter Two:**

  
**“Living My Best Life”**

 

The worst and best day happened a month after Isak became friends with Even.

The weather was terrible, it was dark and grey and heavy rain since the night before. Isak couldn’t relate to anything more. He tried to sleep, managing maybe two hours before he woke up again an hour before his alarm. He laid in his bed, his cheeks felt tight – dried tears, and the terrible silence.

He got up and took a shower. He took his time getting ready, picking out his best clothes for some reason. He sat back on his bed, waiting for his alarm to go off. He forgot it once and apparently his mom had to listen to it until she was forced to get up from her room to shut it off. She complained and nagged like that before but now… now it was different. Now he was careful so that she’d be able to sleep.

He rubbed at his eyes until he saw spots, yawning and his body wanting to stay in bed. For some reason now that he needed to get up, it wanted to sleep. The alarm beeped once, and he turned it off. He grabbed his school bag and threw in his books, his charger and pencil case. He just needed to last one more week and then it will be winter break.

He debated on breakfast, but there would be too much noise. Maybe just coffee.

“Good morning, Isak,” He flinched at the sound of his mother’s voice. She looked exhausted. Dark circles and still wearing the same clothes from yesterday, she tried to cover it with her robe.

“’morning, mum,” because it wasn’t a good morning.

“Do you want breakfast, love?” She forced a smile. Her eyes watered up, but she tried to hide it by looking through the fridge. She looked back, and he shook his head. He wanted to change his mind, but he didn’t want to stay there. “Just a bowl of cereal, darling. You can’t leave without food.”

They stood there, Isak unsure what to do. She sighed and shrugged. She reached into the food cabinet and handed him two granola bars. “Thanks, mum.”

He needed to walk past her to leave the kitchen and she stopped him, touching his cheek and kissing his head. “Have a good day, darling.”

He grabbed his shoes without putting them on and closed the door behind him. He was selfish, he didn’t care. But both of them were also selfish, his mother and his father.

Once he was on the bus, his eyes ached. The uncomfortable seat comfortable enough for his tired body. Because of the constant stops, the hour to school was the longest of his life. How would he be able to sit through the whole day of classes? The coffee mug he had placed on the counter when his mother walked in, forgotten. The “kcup” sitting next to the mug, new and waiting.

He missed Even. Even, who later explained, had used the same bus stop once because he had come from his girlfriend’s place that morning. Isak’s stomach ached that day. That ache still there whenever she came around. Sonja.

His phone buzzed in his hand. Jonas.

_Soo…_

And then quickly another message,

_We need to talk_

 

-

 

“Do you like every guy?” Asked Magnus out of nowhere. Isak was trying his hardest not to doze off during their lunch break, and the question stirred him out of his daze. He gave Magnus a weird look, raising his brow at his friend.

“I don’t like you.” Isak annoyed and cranky.

“Okay,” said Magnus, quiet for a moment. Mahdi and Jonas were trying to contain their laughter. “Why not?”

Isak rolled his eyes, punching Magnus’s arm. “Obviously you don’t find every girl attractive, duuhh.” He dragged out the word. The morning was shit. The weather hasn’t let up, still grey and raining.

Mahdi and Jonas couldn’t contain their laughter which caused Magnus to wonder what they were laughing about. Isak just crossed his arms and pulled his hood over his head. He nearly dozed off when the bell rang. Jonas practically dragged him away from Magnus and Mahdi, waving and telling them they’ll see them later. They were walking down the hallway to class when Jonas slowed down. “Jonas, what the hell?” complained Isak.

“Alright, I’m going to tell you something and you have to keep it a secret,” Jonas spoke quietly, stopping at a window and pulling Isak close. “You can’t tell anyone, got it?”

“Okay, fine.”

“I’m serious, Isak.” Jonas rubbed the back of his neck and took a deep breath. “Look, ok, I messed up.”

“Fuck sake Jonas, just say it.”

“Last Friday, Eva and I had a fight.” This wasn’t news to Isak, he was there. Both of them messaged him throughout the day and most of the night. “I can’t even blame her anymore, right? All those rumors are probably bullshit-”

“Jeez, Jonas.” Isak was getting frustrated, annoyed that Jonas couldn’t get to the point. “Eva did mention to me that you think she cheated the weekend before, but I think you should trust her to be honest.”

Isak had tried to explain through last night’s messages that Eva wasn’t at the same party as Penetrator Chris, whilst he and Jonas were at another party across town. Apparently, Eva and another girl have the same hair and top or maybe a sweater, Isak forgot.

“For the last time, she was with Noora and the girls and Chris--”

“I cheated.” Isak was shook to the core. He didn’t know what came over him when he smacked Jonas.

 

-

 

“Yeah, I deserved that,” Jonas mumbled, holding his cheek.

“I can’t believe you’d do that to Eva,” Isak exclaimed as quietly as he could, crossing his arms. Disappointed in his best friend. They sat in the hall waiting to be called in to the principal’s office. “Any other girl I wouldn’t care but to Eva!”

Jonas’s phone rang. He took a look at the name on the screen and glanced at Isak. He hesitated before answering, “Hello, Eva.”

Isak shut his eyes and shook his head. Jonas could be an asshole but not like this. How could he do that to Eva. Eva who Isak had grown to care for and secretly enjoyed hanging out with when Jonas brought her along. He hadn’t liked her at first, he thought of her as annoying. Clingy. But she had her best qualities and she made him laugh, which was also a good thing.

Jonas mumbled a yeah and an alright, telling her he loved her. “Of course, it wasn’t real,” probably about the punch, “Isak wouldn’t actually hit me.”

Jonas continued to reassure Eva. Would he tell her?

Isak stared at the clock on his phone. A minute passed and still, Jonas continued to laugh and murmur bullshit to her. She was Isak’s friend. This was why he was angry. Who cares if Jonas was his best friend? Isak huffed and rolled his eyes at Jonas. Maybe he was overreacting, but he felt it in his chest. The built-up heaviness, feeling like he couldn’t breathe.

Finally, Jonas closed his phone. “Look, she doesn’t need to find out.”

“Oh my god,” Isak got up and balled up his fists. He stared at Jonas who stared back with wide eyes. Ready for another punch. Isak just turned and walked away, ignoring that he needed to speak with the principal. Jonas called his name and then a lady’s name, probably the secretary, called out to him.

He just needs to get out. He needed a break from everything and everyone, from everything falling apart. He knew his parents were getting that divorce, who was he kidding himself? His dad left the night before and probably still hadn’t gone home yet. His mom locking herself in their room, hiding under the blankets, hopefully, more comfortable in her pajamas. Eva who had no idea her boyfriend was a dick. Even. Even who had a girlfriend.

Isak had just kept walking until he found himself at a crossing section, waiting for the light to turn. I’m running away, Isak said bitterly to himself. Don’t fucking care where.

The light finally changed, and he crossed the street. Running away.

Where is he going to go? He wouldn’t last a day, the sky looked like it was going to rain again, and he was cold. He needed a place to go and the obvious place was Jonas’s or home, but those weren’t options right now.

“Hey!” It didn’t sound like Jonas (who should’ve ran after him), but Isak didn’t stop to see who it was. The person yelling probably wasn’t calling for him so Isak went inside a corner shop. He went straight toward the wall of fridges, standing idly wondering what to get.

“So, do you think Jonas will be sporting a black eye?” Isak just about dropped the drink he had grabbed when Even popped out of nowhere. Even was smiling.  
“Fucking Christ, Even.” Isak turned just to hide his red cheeks, grabbing a bag of random chips. However, he knew why he was outside of school, why was Even skipping? “Don’t you have class?”

“Don’t you have class?” Even chirped behind him, standing awfully close. “Everyone is talking about what happened at lunch, but no one knows why it happened.”

“It’s nothing.” Isak muttered, staring down at the floor.

“Doesn’t seem like nothing.” Even’s smile had faltered for a second. “C’mon, let’s get out of here. Well, pay for your stuff first.”

“Where are we going?” Isak asked as they left the corner shop. They were standing at a bus stop.

“My place - my parent’s place.” Even was looking at the bus schedule. “The next bus comes in ten minutes.”

Isak nodded and sighed, sitting down on a bench. Even sat beside him. It was quiet between them for a minute when Even asked, “So did he deserve it?”

Isak and Even hung out, they shared friends. Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus seemed to like him, especially Eva and Noora were fond of him. So, they were friends, but they weren’t the type of friends to sit down and talk about their problems. Although, Isak sometimes wished they hung out more – alone with each other. Even also had his own friends, and for some reason, he was hanging out with Chris and William (the popular guys at school). Therefore, Even was spotted in all the big parties that William and his friends hosted. Isak was slowly getting into the “party scene,” he just needed some friends in higher places as Jonas would say. Lately, it was Jonas’s mission to become best friends with William but Isak could hardly care more.

“How’d you find me, anyways?” Isak asked, clearing his throat trying to avoid the question. “Did you see me in the courtyard or something?”

“I had a doctor’s appointment this morning, so I was just trying to catch my afternoon classes.” Even explained. “I was getting off the bus when I saw you cross the street.”

“How did you find out – about Jonas and I?”

Even cocked his brow. “Uhm, Eva – and social media.”

“Wow.” Isak rolled his eyes.

“Eva seemed pissed, but mostly at Jonas.”  
“People love drama. I’m sure Jonas is going to love the attention.” Isak said, annoyed to mention his friend.

“Eva didn’t know why you punched Jonas either.” Even seemed hesitant to say. “She also mentioned that she was worried about you. Something about Jonas can be insensitive.”

Isak stared at the ground. The healthy thing was to talk about it, Isak knew that. The psychiatrist his parents sent him to when he was thirteen always brought up that talking about “bad situations” was the best thing to do. “So, doctors appointment. Three months to live or did they find a cure for your heinous hemorrhoid?”

Even laughed out loud at Isak’s joke. “Sadly, it’s getting worse every day.”


	5. 3

**Chapter Three:**  
**“3”**

 

  
“y _ou’ll never find a rainbow if you’re looking down_ ” – Charlie Chaplin

 

  
-

 

 

 

  
_**A week after the incident at the school.** _

 

“I don’t think we should keep any alcohol in the apartment,” Jonas whispered to Noora and Eva in the kitchen. Isak was sitting in the living room, with his third beer of the afternoon in his hand. It was three o’clock and he had been the last to wake up. His body ached, trembling from a hard night.

They had gone out the four of them, Noora had been invited to a party by William and Jonas had to beg Isak to go out with them. During their pre-drinks, Isak had already downed four shots of tequila in a row an hour before they planned to leave for the party. Jonas tried to tell him to slow down but Isak brushed him off. He had spent the night following Isak wherever he went, patting his back at the end of the night as Isak was puking a night of regret.

“He’s just going through a rough time,” Eva whispered back.

Jonas rolled his eyes. “No, he’s being stupid.”

Noora gave him a look. “They were together for six months, and in love. Jonas, Isak doesn’t understand how he feels right now. He needs us.”

“I’m not saying that” Jonas muttered. “What Even did was terrible, I feel sorry for the guy but what Isak is doing isn’t right. He can’t keep drinking and skipping school.”

“We know that.” Eva hissed. “Look, I told you to leave him alone last night, but you were the one forcing him to go to the party with us.”

“Shut up, Eva,” Jonas said, crossly. “I followed him around, I took care of him.”

“It’s not his fault,” The three of them jumped, Isak was standing at the doorway. He drank the last of his can and threw it in the trash. “Besides, I’m the one who thought he could handle straight liquor.”

Isak grinned at them bitterly, ignoring the uneasy looks from them. He grabbed another beer can from the fridge. “Cheers.” He muttered and walked to his room. He plopped down on his bed and chugged a quarter of the beer, sloppily spilling down his chin and on his shirt.

He groaned. He hated how sticky beer felt. He got up and pulled a random shirt from the drawer and changed into it. He stopped short when he realized that the shirt was longer than usual. He sat down on his bed, rubbing the hem of the shirt where it had a small hole. It was Even’s shirt.

He ripped it off and threw it across the room.

  
-

 

 

_**The past; with Even and Isak** _

Even fiddled with his keys as they were walking up the driveway, Isak following closely behind Even. Even was smiling and laughing about what happened at last week’s party, a funny story about some guy streaking up and down the road, yelling about his genitals. Isak couldn’t understand why someone would do that but he did laugh, something he realized hadn’t occurred in a while.

There were no vehicles in the driveway, which Isak felt relieved. He didn’t want Even to get in trouble by bringing him over whilst they were skipping school. Once Even got the door open, he opened the door for Isak and held out his arm to let Isak walk in first. Isak couldn’t hide his awe expression when he saw the inside of Even’s place, it was big and looked expensive, fancy furniture and clean. It had a nice warm contemporary feel, and Isak felt out of place. He followed Even to the kitchen where he grabbed drinks, Even pointed where the washroom was if Isak needed it, and they climbed the stairs to Even’s room.

Isak stood in the doorway, leaning against the door frame. He played with his fingers, fidgeting with the hem of his sleeves. Even’s cheeks dimpled as he smiled, looking at Isak expectantly. “You can come in, Isak.”

Isak laughed nervously, slipping off his school bag and placing it by Even’s desk. It started raining, light tapping on the window. Isak was still exhausted from his lack of sleep the night before, and the sound of rain always made him relaxed and sleepy. Even grabbed two game controllers from his TV stand and handed one to Isak, “do you play?” he asked, with a mischievous smile. He handed Isak the game case and Isak gasped.

“Are you kidding?” Isak exclaimed excitedly, forgetting completely that he felt tired a second ago. “I’ve been saving up for this game since it came out two weeks ago.”

Even laughed. “Well, I’ll show you how to play the game. I’m awesome at this game.”

“Alright then,” Isak smirked, pretty sure that he can manage on his own.

An hour passed, the only thing that could be heard in the house was two boys yelling out and laughing at Even’s TV screen. Even exclaimed loudly, losing the fourth game in a row. Isak’s cheeks flushed pink and he smiled proudly at how quickly he got a hang of the game. Isak glanced at the clock on the wall, the clock reading 3 o’clock, and reached for his phone. “Come on, I’ll get you this time.” He nudged Isak’s shoulder, pressing start to ready the game.

Isak set the controller down. “Uhmm…” Isak sighed, looking at the messages his mother had sent him. Apparently, the school had called her, letting her know that he skipped his afternoon classes and walked out from seeing the principal. “I think I have to go.”

“After this game.” Even insisted.

Isak shook his head, sighing as he sent a quick message to let his mother know that he wasn’t feeling well and that he went to Jonas’. A notification popped up, a message from Jonas. He hesitated to check it. It read, where are you?

“Alright, one more game,” Isak said, putting away his phone without replying to Jonas. “But uh,” He cleared his throat. “I’m getting a little hungry.”

“I’ll grab you something.” Even jumped up.

“Wait-” Even was already out the door, Isak followed after him. “I was thinking of stopping by somewhere on my way home. You don’t need to do that.”

Even laughed. “Are you kidding, what kind of host do you think I am?”

“Really, I’m okay right now.” They walked into the kitchen, Even opened the fridge and cabinets. He stepped back, holding out his arms to display the food he was offering.

“No, really. It’s alright, Isak.” Even jumped up and sat on the counter. Isak was a little overwhelmed with his choices. He opted to grab a banana beside Even, reaching over him. He tried to ignore that Even smelled really good and that he was close to him. He was awfully aware that Even was looking at him the whole time.

He couldn’t help but look up at Even. The sun came out from behind the clouds, natural light pouring into the kitchen. Even’s eyes gleamed brighter in the sunlight, his face glowing, Isak feeling like a dumbass had his mouth slightly open. “Would you like to stay for dinner?” Even said softly. Isak had to wonder if Even’s cheeks hurt from all that smiling, which Isak couldn’t hold against him. Even always seemed to be laughing and smiling every time he saw him, across the schoolyard, in the library trying to hold in his laughter, and anytime he was with his friends or girlfriend.

“I- I don’t-” Isak stuttered, jumping up when the front door opened.

“My mom’s making chicken fajitas.” Even smiled, grabbing Isak’s hand, pulling him to the front foyer. Isak’s heart was racing. One reason that he was always nervous meeting Even’s parents and the second reason was that Even was holding his hand. He hoped that he wasn’t sweating.

“Hey, mom, how was work today?” Isak slowly slipped his hand out of Even’s before Even’s mother could see.

“Oh, Even sweetie, what are you doing home so early?” Even’s mom didn’t seem troubled that her son was skipping school, she looked happy to see him. She immediately spotted the guest in the house, smiling even more brightly to Isak. “And who is this?”

“This is Isak, a friend at school.” Isak reached out and shook her hand. “I am actually helping him in math, he’s in a grade below me, and I was hoping he could stay for supper.”

Isak couldn’t interrupt because that would be rude. He needed to go home but going home meant boredom and an ever-too-quiet home. He didn’t want to leave just to have his mom lecture him about skipping school, which could eventually lead him into alcohol and substance abuse and no career in his future. He’s missed school twice this year and yet according to his mom, one more missed day would ruin his life entirely. He didn’t interrupt also because he wanted to stay. He wanted to stay a little longer with Even, this was one of the rare times he’s ever hung out alone with him.

“Oh, of course, sweetie, Isak can stay for dinner.” Even bounced happily beside Isak, taking Isak’s hand again.

“Thanks, mom, we’ll be in my room. Studying!” Even pulled Isak toward the stairs, holding Isak’s hand the entire time.

“Your father will be home late,” She called out after them as they turned the corner to Even’s room. “Supper at 5!”

Even pushed Isak inside his room, “Alright mom!” Even yelled back.

“Your mom’s nice,” Isak commented, Even agreed and handed the controller back to Isak. “I thought she’d get mad that we’re skipping.”

“It’s technically the end of the day, and I’ll just let her know that we were allowed to leave early.” Even promised, lying back on his bed. Isak sat down beside him, making sure that there was some “respectable” space between them. His phone vibrated in his pocket Even sat up and leaned in beside him, pressing his shoulder against Isak’s “Please stay, whoever that is wouldn’t mind if I had you all to myself this evening.”

Isak gulped, feeling Even’s body heat radiating off of him. His mind went blank, dumb, his senses elevating and Even still smelled really good. “Don’t you have other friends you can hang out with?”

Isak didn’t mean it that way. Even’s buoyant smile dropped and Isak felt like an asshole. Even cleared his throat, rubbed his hands on his knees and got up. “I didn’t mean it that way,” Isak stuttered. “I just meant that you have so many friends and, why would you hang out with me?”

Even rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I want to hang out with you?” dejected Even, confused at the boy in front of him.

Isak sat in silence, dumbfounded at his words. Surely, he could’ve worded it a different way. A moment passed in awkward silence, Isak’s heart beating faster every second. He felt exhausted again, the comfy bed inviting him. “Maybe I should go.” Isak stood up, doleful and casting his eyes to the floor. He grabbed his bag and walked out of Even’s room.

He carefully went down the stairs without a sound, hearing Even’s mom humming in the kitchen with music coming from the radio. He managed to slip out of the house without a sound and headed down the street, to the bus stop. He reached for his phone, the sudden realization hit him like a wall, he had forgotten it in Even’s room. “Fuck!” He muttered.

He turned around to see Even running down his driveway, Isak’s phone in his hand. Isak pulled on his hood and walked toward to Even. He took it without a word and turned away, remorsefully. Grimacing that he hadn’t even said a thank you to Even, he started walking when Even called out. “Isak, what’s your deal?”

“My deal?”

“I don’t know if something is bothering you or if it’s because of what happened this afternoon with Jonas, but I’ve been trying to be your friend today and I don’t know why you’re acting like a semi-dick to me?”

Isak’s mouth dropped open, taken aback at Even’s claim. “I haven’t been trying to be a dick to you.”

“Then why won’t you stay for supper?”

“I won’t stay for dinner because you have other more interesting people to hang out with.” Isak was not sure why he said that. It felt true to him, Even had other friends who were probably more fun or funnier than him, and he wasn’t sure why Even was trying to get him to stay. “I will literally bore the hell out of you if I stay, your mum will also find me boring.”

Even couldn’t help but laugh. Isak shuffled awkwardly side to side as Even stared back at him, grinning softly. “Look, let’s find somewhere to eat. My treat. I’ll just let my mom know that we need to get out of the house for a few hours.”

“Even-” Isak tried to stop him from going back inside, but Even was already running in. He came back a minute later with his coat and wallet in his hand. Isak gave up, Even won this one. “What’s your mum going to say about missing supper? You were so pumped up about having chicken fajitas.”

Even laughed and wrapped his arm around Isak’s shoulder. “She understood, I just got her in time before she started making supper. I told her that you were having a mental breakdown about failing math.”

Isak cracked up, hitting Even’s chest a little too hard. Even grabbed hold of both of Isak’s hands, holding them up and pulling Isak in at the same time. “I can’t believe you told her that.”

Even smiled at the younger boy in front of him, their faces 5 inches apart, hands held in between them. Even’s hold relaxed but he didn’t let go. “I didn’t,” Even licked his lips. “I was honest and told her we wanted to eat out. The implication of you having a mental breakdown was already there.”

“Even!” Isak tried to free his hands but Even was stronger than him.

Even’s head fell back, laughing aloud as he was pulling Isak down the street, still holding one of his hands. “I’m craving Chinese food.” Isak couldn’t fight back and he didn’t want to. He was looking down at their hands as they were walking to the bus stop, butterflies fluttering excitedly in his stomach. “Or, oh - Burgers!”

-

  
_**Back in the present; with Isak and friends** _

Jonas tentatively knocked on Isak’s door, expecting Isak to ignore him. Isak opened the door shirtless and he had tears pooled in his eyes. “Isak.” Jonas reached and grabbed him, wrapping his arms around him. “Come here, I got you.”

“I don’t know what I did.” Isak sobbed into his shirt. Jonas squeezed hard, taking Isak in. The scent of beer strong in his breath but Jonas could not care less. “I tried to be his friend and boyfriend, but I couldn’t do either.”

Noora and Eva stood silently in the hallway, out of sight from Isak. They looked at each other, worried eyes and lumps in their throats. Jonas ran his fingers through Isak’s hair, pulling back to look into his eyes and brushing back his hair behind his ear. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes you don’t have to do anything.”

**Author's Note:**

> sooooo... hope this interests you, reader. And I hope you continue reading. So please leave a comment if you like. Any comments are appreciated. Thank you for sparing some time to read the first chapter of many. Thank you.


End file.
